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Subject: FOR MEN ONLY

1: You and your wife/girlfriend are both getting a lot of stress at your
jobs.  It boils over one night at home in a huge fight.  A few minutes
into it you realize that the fight is really about nothing and the
stress is causing it.  Do you...

  a: Stop, take a deep breath, and try to calm down.
  b: Let it run its course because "make up" sex is awesome.
  c: Say "Yeah, well you got a big ass."

2: You go shopping with your wife/girlfriend and she drags you to store
after store where you have to wait while she tries on everything they
have.  How do you get your revenge?

  a: Sleep with your back to her that night.
  b: Make her watch midget wrestling with you.
  c: You're holding her purse.  Take some money out.  You deserve it.

3: Why did you and your last wife/girlfriend break up?

  a: Irreconcilable differences.
  b: You cheated on her.
  c: She wouldn't swallow.

4: Which of the following songs would you sing at a Karaoke bar?

  a: "Yesterday" by the Beatles
  b: "Louie Louie" by the Kingsmen
  c: "99 Bottles of Beer On The Wall"

5: You're on the highway and there's an old man in front of you, going
really slow.  You...

  a: Wait until it's safe to pass.
  b: Flip him the bird as you go by.
  c: Honk your horn and flash your lights until he gets out of the
     f**king way!

6: You've gotta break up with a woman.  What's your line?

  a: "It's not you, it's me."
  b: "Sorry, but it's just not working."
  c: Line?  Just don't call her.  She'll get the hint.

7: Your boss takes you aside and says, "I've got good news and bad
news.  The good news is that I'm giving you a promotion.  The bad news
is that if you want it, you're going to have to fire Bob."  You say...

  a: "I'm sorry.  I can't accept the promotion."
  b: "Whoa, that's heavy.  Can I think about this?"
  c: "Where's Bob?"

8: One of your drinking buddies tells you he's checking into a
hospital to sober up.  You say...

  a: "I'm _really_ proud of you."
  b: "Hey, whatever."
  c: "Call me when you get out.  We'll have a drink to celebrate."

9: You've just parked your car at the bottom of a hill when you see an
out-of-control school bus come careening down from the top?  What's
your first thought?

  a: "How can I save them?"
  b: "Aww, those poor kids."
  c: "I better move my car."

10: You're up late at night and see one of those "Save The Children"
commercials with Sally Strothers.  You...

  a: Try to figure out how much you can afford to give.
  b: Try to figure out what else is on.
  c: Try to figure out how much you'd have to drink to make Sally 
     Strothers look good.

Scoring The Test:

Give yourself one point for every A, three points for every B, and
five points for every C.  Total up the points and consult the chart
below.

10-19 Points

Hey, congratulations, you're not a jerk.  On the other hand, you _are_
a wuss.  Ethics, kindness, patience, meaningless gestures... You might
as well wear a sign that says "kick me."

20-29 Points

You're basically a nice guy, but with minor jerk tendencies.  You're
normal and you'll probably make a great husband for some woman...
someday when she stops dating jerks.

30-39 Points

You're basically a jerk, but with minor nice guy tendencies.  Tone
down that self-centeredness a little.  Try to occasionally think
before you speak.  And if you can't do that... run for office.  You'll
feel right at home in politics.

40-50 Points

Hey, asshole!  Yes, you!  Ass-hole!  A-S-S-H-O-L-E!  Asshole!  On
behalf of everyone who scored lower than you... Asshole!  When I look
up "asshole" in the dictionary, there's a picture of you.  What?  You
think I'm talking to the guy behind you?  No... _you_... Ass-hole! 
Asshole!  Is it sinking in yet?

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