The Top 16 Signs Your Inner Child is Unhappy
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16> Hasn't touched your inner trainset for days.

15> Spends all day sulking in your lower intestine.

14> You've stopped shouting "Wheeeee!" on the elevator at work.

13> Joins an inner gang and goes wilding through your pancreas.

12> You attempt to overdose on a lethal combination of
    J&B and M&M's.

11> When you try to hug him, he pulls away and calls you a
    "pathetic codependent loser."

10> When your boss calls you incompetent, you reply: "I know
    you are, but what am I?"

 9> Has been sulking since you refused to buy that Power
    Ranger doll.

 8> Constantly whacking the holy hell out of the inner
    puppy you gave him for his birthday.

 7> You keep getting thrown out of bars for ordering
    Lucky Charms and Milk.

 6> Primal scream portion of "Bert and Ernie's Anger
    Management Workshop" has kept you up three nights in a row.

 5> Sudden urge to knock your morning cappuccino and bagel
    onto the floor.

 4> You discover you have an Inner Madonna carrying your
    Inner Child.

 3> Says she can't wait until she's 18 so she can "get the
    hell outta this dump."

 2> You keep your therapist at bay with a Lego Uzi until
    gummi bear ransom is delivered.


   and the Number 1 Sign Your Inner Child is Unhappy...


 1> Hires an inner lawyer and slaps your ass with a $40 million
    inner lawsuit.